These ramblings took me back to when the children were little and only the necessary things got done round the house. Family fed, cleaned and watered! Washing done and things kept clean. Now my idea of clean is no dirt! The kids toys, games books got tidied, but they were there and sometimes it looked like a bomb scene, but it was not dirty! Others however had a different idea of “clean” and sort to put everything away all the time, and get me to make sure the decks were “clean” – as in nothing on the floor! Just with the business of little people and at the time we were running a business that required some of my time to play secretary, payroll clerk & other office roles, other things seemed to miss a daily roundup, and before I knew it the bedrooms were a bomb site. Take 4 bedrooms to sort out, clothes, bedding, toys and whatever treasures the little people had sneaked in past security.
I used to feel so overwhelmed and swamped that my boat was sinking, and someone had taken the bailer! I would stand there, just like this man this morning, and just look. However 90% of the time I would just walk away. Yep – it was just too much. I was also on medication for depression at the time, just to add another challenge to my life!
One day a very kind soul spoke with wonderful words of wisdom and encouragement....
“Erena, choose a room, set your timer for 10 minutes, and go for it. You do not have to clean the WHOLE house today, or yesterday for that matter, just START with one room, and go for 10 minutes! Wow I thought, I can do that. So I began. And to this day this is something I continually remind myself of whenever I feel overwhelmed, swamped and smothered in any situation. OK maybe not immediately all the time, but eventually I get to remembering...then I take a lovely big breath in, let it go in a whoosh, and say “thank goodness I can just take one step now.
So this brings me to taking that first step...it is daunting, terrifying, sometimes paralyzing, maybe exhilarating, exciting or whatever label we choose to give it. I think the first step is the most challenging one. But you know, when you take that first step, make that appointment, meet that person, tidy for 10 minutes, address that situation, change your thinking, move on from that person who was dragging you down, start that painting, drive that different route it is amazing just how different it makes you feel. You find hope, an excitement of “I wonder where this will take me”, knowing that it can only lead to somewhere/something better than where you have been. I know this, and there is an area of my life I have been procrastinating and fearful about addressing for some years now and just last week I became honest with myself and committed to looking the ugly beast square in the face and telling it “I was over it, I was over feeling limited, restricted, stuck, fearful, ashamed, guilty, unworthy, powerless and greedy, and I was going to do what it took, no matter the cost, and deal with once and for all & bury the thing” . You know once I made the decision, there still was a little anxiety about what it was going to take, but I was SO over it that was just like a sand fly niggling against what has been like a very starved sabre tooth tiger - one that has been starved for centuries! Not even one week on, after having my first appointment, I feel liberated, enlivened, uplifted and excited. O, yes I know that there is still “stuff to address” but I know I can do it, I have support, encouragement and just knowing I am offloading the shame, guilt etc, is enough to want to see this through to the end.
So when you stand at the mirror, or look at the clutter around you, look at your life and see things you do not like, when you look at the things you do, the people you associate with, look at the direction your life is headed, when you become aware of your limiting or destructive thoughts, when you hear the way you speak to yourself, or speak to others... if there is anything you would like to be different, just know IT IS POSSIBLE. All it takes is ONE STEP. Things may not look too much different right away, but as we change our perspective and the way we see things, we start to change our behaviors and then our life starts to change. So what are you going to do to gain the freedom perspective?